Thursday, January 20, 2011

Bad Grandma Resolves! Or Not.

I have made all sorts of resolutions for 2011:

- Lose 20 pounds
- Exercise regularly
- Get my house organized
- Get my life organized
- Do not procrastinate

So far, I have done none of the above.

Dieting and exercise are two things that I absolutely abhor. I am trying to visualize myself twenty pounds lighter hoping that will motivate me but it’s not working – in fact, I now believe there is much beauty in an ample body. The other thing is that when a person is old and wrinkled - body fat fills out the wrinkles – that’s another plus! I have started exercising – I am doing leg-ups while lying on the couch watching tv and toe curls when I am on my computer.

Getting organized is entirely another matter. It seems I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to remember where I put something. It is not unusual to find an item that I thought was lost, or had forgotten I had. I recently found a pair of boots that I haven’t seen for three years, the lifetime warranty for my diamond rings, my strapless bra, and my grandmother’s cookbooks dating from the 1930s.

Grandma’s cookbooks were my big find – they contain much more than recipes, they are manuals for creating an organized and economically managed home – hallelujah!! But, do I need to know that lipstick mixed with a little hand lotion makes a great rouge or how to make thread spool-holder out of a foam wig stand?

Maybe tomorrow, I’ll brush my tongue. Grandma’s book says it will help keep my breath fresh. Baby steps!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Daughter Knows Best (Or Does She?)

After a six month hiatus, I am back.

A lot has happened in that time, my husband and I quit smoking. After FIFTY YEARS of a nicotine addiction, we have now been smoke-free for seven months – a major accomplishment of which I am very proud. Also in that time it was discovered that I have an aneurysm in my abdominal aorta - it is still small enough that the risk of rupture is low. It is monitored regularly and has not changed in size since its discovery, nevertheless, over the past six months I have spent considerable time contemplating my mortality and I am determined to try and live each day with passion, purpose and appreciation. It is not as easy as it sounds - appreciation, yes; passion, not always easy when you are 68 and arthritic; purpose, I’m working on it!

I decided that I needed a project. I have come up with what I consider to be a brilliant idea and my brilliant daughters agree.

I turned to my most brilliant daughter for advice on how to proceed.

Brilliant daughter, in turn, gave me a mini course on branding and marketing. I am not sure I agree with everything she has said to me, but it is almost like we have had a role reversal – and instead of “mother knows best” – it’s “daughter knows best”.

My project is a book and brilliant daughter told me that, for my book be successful, people would have to consider me an expert or, at the very least, have some recognition in the area on which I would be writing. That presents a problem for me because my book is not really a book that you read, but an organizational aid and I probably am the most disorganized person I know – which is why I got the idea in the first place! (Brilliant Daughter/Editor note: I didn't tell you that you had to be an expert - just that readers/users would be looking for some reason to want a book/organizational aid from you. Maybe it would just be because of your sparkling personality. Still. You have to SHARE THAT.)

You see my dilemma.

Left to my own devices , I would have self-published and peddled my book at community markets, through friends and any other way I could think of and I would have had it ready for Mother’s Day (because it will make a great gift). Now, I am not sure – brilliant daughter is successful and knows much more than me about high tech marketing and branding.

(BD/Editor's note: you can still do those things. I just think that you should do stuff online, too. BECAUSE YOU CAN.)

I probably will follow brilliant daughter’s advice and set about establishing myself as an identifiable... what?... wise grandma, ditzy grandma, sexually repressed grandma, quintessential old-fashioned homemaker grandma, thrice-married grandma , grandma who does not want to age gracefully, grandma who secretly wants to be outrageous. I am all of those things and more – so where do I start?

(BD/Editor's note: START THERE.)

And when do I start? Did I include 'procrastinating grandma in the list?' Maybe I’ll start next week.